A Selection of a Few of the Many Dreams I Have Had Thus Far............

~Dream 3-17-10~

The most vivid CB dream yet. I was hangin out on the patio outside blue moon, talking to people passing by- it was the summer. I remember talking to sydney jernigan, she asked me if i wanted to have lunch to catch up, i said sure, but i cant buy her meal. I had my  big backpack with me, like I had just gotten back. She left to go grab something, I turned to go over to Camp 4. At this point the dream became so vivid I was convinced I was fully in CB. It was a lucid dream that was so lucid I completely skipped over the part where you "realize" you are dreaming. I though I was home. I then ran into Billy Laird, and he asked me how my trip was goin, and why I came back to CB for just a week. I didn't really know. I then remembered I had to go back to Spain. I then realized, in whatever reality I was living in, I had had a number of "dreams" where I had just gone back to CB for a week in the middle of my trip. Which I have had. I thought maybe this was one of those dreams. But it seemed to real to be a dream. It was almost as real as our "waking" state. So, I started freaking out thinking I might be dreaming all this, and ran into Camp 4 to get a chocolate crossaint, figuring if I could taste it, I would know I wasn't dreaming. I ran in, Sara Huckins was working, and she looked at me like "typical Jackson thinking he is dreaming"  and gave me a crossaint. I reached into my pocket, payed her, and took a bite. I could taste it! I could literally feel the chocolate on my lips. I still wasn't fully convinced, and ran back outside. The dream then began to fade out.....

~Dream Last Night~

1.

I dreamed I was driving in an old beatup truck with Wazz. A copy of some Steinbeck book lay on the dash. An old hunched over man was shifting gears, while Wazz was giving the truck gas and steering. Wazz kept showing the old man things, like he was giving him a lesson on how to drive a stick. We pulled up to dad's house at night. Th snow was beginning to melt on the grass, it was night. Josh was walking home with Muki, we stopped and chatted, and then continued on our walk.

*Wazz is Todd Wassinger, my past/future science teacher and friend. A man I respect and appreciate tremendously.

2.

I was in the desert behind Silent Arrow, with a couple other people, when we saw this giant Israeli warplane fly overhead. We knew it was going to bomb the Arab village below. Above us was a Jewish town. They dropped a bomb near us. I asked someone next to me if anyone was going to survive where we were. He then pulled out this map of populations in the future, that had somehow been divined. Where we were was blank of people. We then realized that the wiping out of all the people was happening with these bombs, so we made a frantic run up the desert hill to the Jewish town. The Israelis started dropping bombs all around us. The earth was shaking. One silver bomb dropped and started bouncing towards me. I ran out of the way, and it exploded a huge blinding flash of white light. We somehow made it to the town, and the only place we could refuge was the Holocaust Museum. So, we made our way into the museum, when someone informed me Hitler was kept here. The actual man was essentially locked up here, destined to look at the terrible things he did. I asked the person how he treated all the jews comin through. They shrugged it off, like he had gone kinda mental in his old age and was tired and the jews were more powerful then him now. We walked into the common room, and I looked at these too tight jean wearing guys rolling a joint. There mohawks were not spiked, and reggae was blasting. I turned to the vending machine and fumbled for something.

~A Dream Dreamt One of My First Nights in Israel~

I am a beast like man, with distorted features, and a humped back. He is hairless, though you would have thought he would be covered in hair, due to his beast like presence. He is living in this cave very dark and deep. I then notice he has three tulips growing out of his forehead. I am then the beast, and pull one out. I can really feel the stem come out of my skull, long and sharp. Five seconds of it as I pulled it out, smoothly. A little blood drips. I then realize how stupid it was to take it out because I can't set it down, I must hold it until I find someone to give it to.

Money

So. I told myself, in regards to the blog, I would share even the embarrassing things that have happened- so here you go.

 

My debit card was not stolen. I somehow managed to spend about 800 dollars over my budget while in Israel. I'm not sure quite how. Looking at the list of ATM withdrawals, I spent 800 dollars in four straight days. That's 200 dollars a day. I can't remember anything specific going on those days- it is possible those were the days my bag was stolen, but I think my bag was stolen before those four days. And even so, I carefully calculated what I spent dealing with the repercussions of losing my bag. 200 dollars on glasses, and 100 dollars on a new phone and minutes. That means I was spending  over 100 dollars a day, though it was before I went to the desert, and I only spent one night at a hostel in jerusalem, all the other times I had a free place to stay. And that was only 15 dollars. I spent it somehow, I kept withdrawing money. And I still have my debit card.

 

I had a major emotional tear filled breakdown realizing I had somehow managed to do it. A friend told me that "Americans spend to sooth." It's true. I think we do. My wits weren't about me, my system had been totally shocked. I was lost in a dream scape- remembering it feels like recalling a dream- and what is money in a dream? It was a powerful, positive, life changing experience. I am beginning the recovery, the rejuvenation process.

 

And, now I know the value of money. I have a budget, pretty conservative but I can live off of it. I have a weekly budget, and daily guidelines. It is one of the most grounding things to know exactly how much money you have to spend, and sticking to it. I am finding deep soothing in that- for it creates a feeling of pattern and reward knowing you have this tool, as evil as it is, below you, and not above you. There are millionaires who manage to live a poor man's life and laboring men who manage to feed a family of five. Money can be manipulated, molded, transformed, bent, borrowed, lost, gained, won, disapear! My relationship with money has forever changed, and I think this change is a pivotal one in the maturity I am gaining from these experiences.

Ireland.

I'm coming back, waking up from Israel. I got sick here, and thats just part of it all catching up to me. The fact that I survived Israel is crazy. Wow. Looking back on it it feels like a great big vivid dream that I am just stirring out of now. Just waking back up. 

Ireland is great. I am eating good, sleeping. I am enjoying being with Mary Branley, a good friend of my mom's and very accomplished Irish poet. Playing a lot of music as well. Just being. That is all I can do. I head to Barcelona around the end of March to start school. I am doing an exchange with a family there who are good old friends of Xavier Fane's. They have a son who is a year younger than me, and is going to come out to C.B. this summer. So, as you can imagine I am looking forward to that! The turbulence is behind me. I'm not saying things won't come up, challenges present themselves, but I am sure nothing to the extent of Israel. 

Also, today I checked my ATM balance, and was surprised to see that I have 1,000 dollars less in my account than I have suspected. Now, I will be fair in saying I haven't written down every penny I spent, but I was keeping track of the withdrawals I made, and I should have another 1,000 dollars in my account. I don't know if I wrote about this earlier, but someone at the house I was staying at when volunteering in Bethlehem somehow managed to find my credit card (which I had put under my mattress) and tried to buy a thousand dollar airline ticket. Luckily the credit card cancelled. I didn't check my debit card, which would have been with my credit card. I am kind of in a state of shock as I write all this- it just happened like 15 minutes ago. Ya, this is not good. This really is not good. 

And "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" just came on in the internet cafe. Sometimes depressive music can be- depressing.

And I'll have to get through this one too. I'm comin back down to earth, I'm gaining clarity on some other things in my life, and being pieced back together.