The morning after I arrived at Simcha and Beth's I became very clear that I shouldn't spend more time with them. There hospitality was so nice, but I felt extremely uncomftorable living there. I felt as if I was in jail and being around super religious people also makes me uncomftorable. There was no animsosity leaving, they viewed it as a "god sent message that I should spend shabbat in Jerusalem" and I thought it was the right thing to do, and left gracefully. Before I left I took a walk around the security fence. It shook me up, it was heartbreaking, and the confusing emotions that come with living with settlers whom actions I had been, and still am, adamantly against, combined with a human face being put on every side and realizing how complicated it really is made me feel like I had to leave. I needed to, and I did.
Simcha dropped me off at a bus station on the outskirts of Jerusalem. I had been up since three a.m., due to jet lag, and tiredly stumbled across the highway with my heavy pack to the bus stop. I got there, and waited for about a half an hour, and then realized that the bus station was no longer working, no buses were stopping. So I stood up and began to walk in search of something or someone who could help me get to the old city of jerusalem. My plan was to try and call my other relative, Gilad, who is a college student, and see if I could stay with him. If not, I would find a hostel in Jerusalem. I was not worried, I had two good ideas, and could always fall back on Simcha and Beth.
In Israel everyone looks American, and half the people speak English, about 10 percent of whom speak it well enough to have a conversation. I met this kid and he told me how to walk to the station to catch the number 6 bus to the old city. I walked over this giant highway bridge and found the stop. I got on the bus, and then, realized, I had no idea where to get off, and no one could help me.
There is a sense of "i am better than you" in Israelis, and Israelis (at least Gilad) acknowledge that. Sometimes people won't speak to you in English, even if they know it, and you need help. (Gilad showed me this song, he thought was great, check it out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naHbB15Eav8 it is very popular in Israel). Other times, they are helpful and kind. Jerusalem, also, is a very intense city. The feeling that at any time it could explode is palpable. There is massive tension obviously between Palestinians and Israelis, but more so, the tension comes between the ultraorthodox (simcha and beth) and the secular jews. Anyways, the weight of the city was begining to get to me.
Somehow, I just hopped of the bus at the perfect stop, Ben Yehuda St. It is an outdoor pedestrian mall swarming with Americans, coffee shops with free wifi, and on fridays, the day I showed up, live music and street performers. So, I made my way to a bench, took off my pack, and sat down. I was tired and weary and realizing how homesick I was becoming. I had no idea where I was going to stay that night, and was overwhelmed. I sat feeling emotions I had never felt before for a few hours, and then went to use my computer to call Gilad. He didn't answer the first six times I tried calling him, which only added to the isolation and weariness. I was surrounded by joyous people having a good Friday and yet completely alone and isolated, my streak of finding English speaking people was horrible, and my pack seemed to be getting heavier.
Finally, I got a hold of Gilad. His English is great, once he starts speaking it for a few days, but on the phone then he couldn't completely understand me when I asked to spend the night at his place. He finally said sure, but wasn't very enthused or happy about it it seemed. He was confused, as was I. I then got an email from Beth, telling me that Moshe (not Mosha) the ultraorthodox jew I met on the plane, had called to invited me to shabbat at the Kotel (wailing wall) with him and his family. I was also welcome to spend the night at their place. I thought this would be better, and I could give Gilad a break, so I called up Moshe to tell him I would love to join them. I then went to get in line for a cup of tea, when a kid walked up, who looked American (baggy shorts and a sleevless t-shirt, big sneakers). He then began to talk to me in hebrew, fluently. That is the thing, you never know what language will come out, it throws you off and is super trippy.
"english" I say pointing at myself.
"o english, sweet." he says in a perfect american accent.
It turns out he is American, going to high school in Israel. I sit with him and his friends listening to them talk about girls and getting shit-faced and then stumbling back to the yeshiva where they live. The whole thing was surreal. It seemed like a very long time since I had left home, and was completely present in each moment, engrossed in what was happening, and though exhausted, super alert.
And the day goes on.
After three different taxis not knowing what I was telling them, I got in one who did, and he took me to Moshe's. I was greeted warmly, and changed into my sabbath attire, white shirt and jeans. I was then shown my bed and I was sleeping right next to Moshe in a crammed little room. I then got a really bad feeling from Moshe, I was creeped out. I don't know why exactly, but I definitely was. It was too late to find a hostel, and everyone closes early on Friday, so, I call Gilad. I was shaken up. My feathers were being ruffled. He is confused, saying I can stay there of course, but is confused. I tell Moshe I'm not gonna stay, but I still go to do shabbat at the kotel with them.
Here is a little map of Jerusalem. Moshe lives in an ultra-orthodox community about a forty minute walk from the kotel. Where I was, Ben Yehuda street, was the only place I knew, and I knew it was near Gilad, and also forty minutes from Moshe. I couldn't take my backpack because you aren't allowed to carry anything on Shabbat.
So, we take a taxi to the kotel, and due Shabbat. It was a cool and beautiful, though super intense, people weeping, exulting, singing, swaying, chanting. Powerful, but not peaceful. We then walked back to Moshe's son's house. Along the way, I was talking to Moshe's son, and he told me about how he had found a tremendous amount of cocaine in his backyard in Baltimore while building a tree house with some friends when he was nine. I didn't pick up the whole of the shared remembrance between Moshe and his son, but what I think happened was cocaine was found again at the tree house or something and the whole scene escalated and one of the gang kids got shot near the house, though it was nice suburbia Baltimore. I then had massive swaying dejavu. We got back to the house, I changed, and took my pack. Avraham, Moshe's son, pointed me in the right direction. Jerusalem is built on hills, steep hills, so I began to walk up and up this steep hill past all these ultra orthodox that stared at me; for I was doing work on the sabbath ( I was sweating and breathing really hard.) I walked for about thirty minutes, and finally flagged down a rare taxi cab (only Muslim cab drivers drive during the sabbath). He took me to Ben Yehuda street, where I found some drinking American kids, who pointed me in the direction of Gilad. I walked for another forty minutes, relying on the kindness of strangers to point me in the right direction. I finally stumbled into Gilad's apartment at about 9:30. He, his girlfriend, his roommate, and his roommate's girlfriend were sitting down to a nice dinner. They were laughing, Neil Young was playing, and I let out the biggest sigh I have ever sighed in my life. So that was day one.
The days that followed were full of new emotions. I became homesick like never before. It wasn't horrible, but it was definite suffering. I still am homesick, though now it is more of a hollowness in my stomach than an all consuming emotion. I miss you all!
Gilad's hospitality and kindness was incredible. I am so blessed to have had a nice bed in a nice place with good people. Over the five days I spent in Jerusalem I mostly wandered the Old City, visiting the sites and just walking and wandering and not speaking which is quite the meditation (i had no one to speak to, which added something to each passing emotion). I was so overwhelmed, my system being shocked. It was hard to take it all in. All I wanted was mercy.
There are three main holy sites in the old city. The Dome of the Rock, the Wailing Wall (kotel), and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. I found each strikingly diffrent. The Dome of the Rock and Temple Mount were the most peaceful. So beautiful and peaceful. The Kotel was the most intense, the most emotional, and the most overwhelming, and the Church was the most merciful. I spent a lot of time in the church square taking naps and just being there. I ate great humus (another thing the Israelis like a lot and have to steal from the Arabs whom everyone knows make the best humus.). I saw incredible people and smelt wonderful intriguing smells, but all in all Jerusalem was weighing on me. Israel as a whole seems to be really heavy and overpowering and clashing, but Jerusalem is Israel amplified a million. Gilad told me that, and I see where he is coming from.
I also had some fascinating conversations in the Old City. One of which was with a man selling sim cards in the old city. He first began telling me about Islam, trying to convert me. He gave me this pamphlet on Islam, with blurry black and white pictures of people illustrating the proper way to pray. I listened. He then started talking about how bad the Israelis are, and how this is his land and the occupiers will die. I asked him what the best way to get rid of the Israelis was. He said an Islamic Army must rise up and kill all the Israelis and all the Americans occupying Afghanistan and Iraq. I asked him if it could be done peacefully, he said it could not be. I asked him if he really thought that would happen. "It is coming my friend," he said with a smile,"it is coming." (When I told Gilad this, Gilad was a commander in the army for 5 years, he just said, "they are babies, they will never grow up".) He then went back to Islam. He told me that if I have a mind, I will choose Islam, for if I don't, I will go to hell. I asked him what hell was. His English wasn't great but essentially he told me that I would be put in a little room with no windows to spend eternity. I left and then went back passing the antique shop (see pictures in above post) where I got my mom a great gift. The owner, an older man, was standing outside, and said hello to me. I said hello back, and asked him to show me how to pray with the Islamic prayer beads my friend Sam had loaned me for my trip. He happily showed me. We then went into a conversation about Islam and religion. He was so warm and kind and told me that each religion is good and that all Islam does for him is give him basic rules by which each human should adhere, the ten commandments. It doesn't matter what religion or lack of religion you practice, but rather that is what works for him and makes him fell good and content. He told me that doing this is just as good for yourself as any one else, and that it is a basic simple thing. I told him about myself, and what I was doing. He sent me on my way with a pat on the back and a "god bless you my son." I definitely felt blessed.
Two nights ago I got the most homesick yet. I felt miserable. Also, my plans to work at an orphanage in Bethlehem fell through that same day, and I was supposed to go today for week. I had to leave Gilad's, and had no idea where to go. I was overwhelmed, tired, sad and lonely and I did not want to start bumming around Israel solo. So, I emailed some friends of friends who live in the hills in the north of Israel seeing if I could stay with them for a few days to regroup and figure out where I am going next. They said sure, so that is where I am now. It is beautiful and green here and my hosts are wonderful and it rained all day today so I just wrote. They are American too. Ahhhhhh. I also heard back from an organic farm in a beautiful spot, Nahalal, and am going there Sunday to WWOOF (volunteer) for two weeks. I will stay here until then, doing some day trips around the area.
It is all a sea! It is all an adventure! I am learning a lot, gaining inner strength, my travel legs are forming, and i'm keepin on........................
